Why Talking About Suicide Doesn’t Cause It:  It Saves Lives

By Tanisha L. Knighton, Ph.D. | COHR Psychologists & Associates

When it comes to suicide, silence often feels like safety. Many people avoid talking about it out of fear.  Fear that asking may somehow plant the idea in someone’s mind or make things worse. But to be clear: talking about suicide does not cause it. In fact, open, compassionate discussion often saves lives.

In this post, I will explain the myths surrounding suicide, the research that counters them, how to open the conversation responsibly, and why your words can matter more than you think.

Common Myths vs Evidence

Myth 1: Asking someone if they are suicidal will “put the idea” in their head
This is perhaps the most pervasive myth. Many avoid the conversation entirely because they fear that stating the possibility will push someone over the edge. But research and clinical experience consistently disagree. Asking direct, compassionate questions about suicide is not dangerous. It can reduce suicidal ideation and make someone feel less alone.

If this person says they are thinking, or have thought, about killing themselves, stay calm, and let them know that help is available.

For more detailed information, visit The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline’s website.

Myth 2: People who talk about suicide are just seeking attention
Some dismiss suicidal ideation as “attention-seeking,” but this overlooks the depth of pain people may feel. Expressing thoughts of suicide is often a sign of extreme distress and a call for connection, not manipulation. Statements like these deserve serious attention, not dismissal.

Myth 3: Suicide happens without warning
Another myth is that suicide is always impulsive and unpredictable. While some attempts are sudden, many people display warning signs over time (e.g., mood changes, withdrawal, giving away possessions, or talking about wanting to die). Recognizing these signs early can open opportunities for intervention.

To learn more about warning signs of suicide visit SAMHSA

Myth 4: If someone is determined to die, nothing will stop them
This belief discounts hope, change, and intervention. Most suicidal crises are temporary. With help, people can move through those moments toward healing. Effective help and support can redirect someone away from a fatal path. preventsuicidepa.org+2Mayo Clinic Health System+2

For more information about suicide prevention please visit The Ohio Suicide Prevention Foundation

Myth 5: Only people with mental illness think about suicide
While mental health conditions are risk factors, they are not prerequisites. People can experience suicidal thoughts in response to situational stress, trauma, grief, or overwhelming life transitions. The presence of distress or pain, not just psychiatric diagnosis, matters.

By confronting these myths, we reduce stigma, encourage openness, and create space for people to seek help before crisis deepens.

Why Talking Helps

When someone is in emotional pain, silence can make that pain feel heavier. Talking about suicide helps because it breaks isolation and creates a bridge to connection. When a person opens up, even a little, it signals that they do not have to carry everything alone. A direct, compassionate question can also reveal the true level of risk. Often, people who are thinking about suicide feel unseen or misunderstood. Giving them a safe space to talk allows them to express what might have been buried under fear or shame.

Conversations about suicide also show care. You may not have the perfect words, but your willingness to listen communicates that that person matters. Talking does not fix everything, but it helps people move from silence to support. When people share what they are going through, they can begin to access therapy, crisis support, or community resources. Talking about suicide helps people feel less isolated, more understood, and more connected to help that could save their life.  When we avoid the topic out of fear, we may inadvertently reinforce shame and alienation. When we lean in with compassion, we invite hope and possibility.

How to Have the Conversation (Safely and Responsibly)

Knowing that talking matters is one thing; doing it is another. Here are guidelines I recommend to help have this conversation:

• Choose your timing and space
  Find a private moment where you can give your full attention, free from distraction.
• Use gentle, direct questions
  Examples: “I have noticed [say what you saw]. I am worried. Are you thinking about hurting yourself?” or “Have you thought about hurting yourself?”
• Listen with empathy, not with a script
  Sometimes your presence and silence matter more than your words. Resist needing to “fix” it immediately.
• Avoid shaming language
  Statements like “You should be grateful” or “You have so much to live for” may feel dismissive.
• Be clear about next steps
  Ask, “Do you have a plan or means?” or “Would it help for me to stay with you or help you call someone now?”
• Connect to professional help
  Encourage calling 988 (U.S. lifeline), contacting a mental health provider, or going to the nearest hospital emergency room if needed.
• Follow up
  Checking in later shows your care continues beyond that moment. 

In many BIPOC communities, talk of suicide is suppressed by stigma, shame, or messaging that endurance must always be silent. This silence magnifies harm. When a trusted voice breaks the barrier, it can shift generational narratives. It communicates that your pain matters and you deserve help, not judgment.

In my work with BIPOC clients, first responders, and justice-involved individuals, I often see that being the first person to ask the question can shift the trajectory. It doesn’t guarantee full healing, but it opens the possibility of connection, hope, and survival.

Having an open conversation about suicide is NOT the same as being responsible for someone’s life or recovery. You are not expected to have all the answers or act as a therapist. Your role is to create a space for honesty and guide the person toward professional help. It is also not a one-time solution. Talking about suicide is one piece of a larger process that may include therapy, safety planning, and ongoing follow-up.

It is not cruel or invasive to ask someone if they are having suicidal thoughts. In fact, many people who have felt suicidal say that being asked was the first time they felt seen. Avoiding the topic out of fear or discomfort can reinforce a person’s sense of isolation, while asking with care can communicate hope and validation. Even if it feels uncomfortable, asking about suicide with empathy can be one of the most compassionate things you can do.

A client once told me they feared telling their spouse and family members about their suicidal thoughts because they thought it would “damage” their family and people would see them as “weak”. They spent months carrying the weight alone. When they finally shared in session, the tension remained, but the silence lifted. We built a safety plan, increased their level of care, and over time, they began to see themselves as someone worth hearing. That first courageous disclosure was a pivot point.

If you or someone you care about is struggling with thoughts of suicide, you do not have to walk this alone.

• In the U.S., dial 988 to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.
• Outside the U.S., please search for your local crisis helpline or go to the nearest emergency room.
• If you reside in Ohio or nearby, feel free to reach out to COHR Psychologists & Associates for a consultation or resource guidance.

Let’s normalize opening the door instead of closing it. Sharing a burden may not solve everything, but it often prevents the worst outcome. Speak. Listen. Be present. Lives depend on it.

Ready to start healing out loud?
You do not have to carry your pain in silence. Talking about what hurts is a powerful first step toward hope and connection. Whether you are seeking support for yourself, a loved one, or a community you serve, COHR Psychologists & Associates is here to walk alongside you.

Click the link in our bio or call (330) 578-4855 to schedule your consultation.
Your voice matters. Your story matters. Your life matters.

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